i was born a porn star she said
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
