you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
