1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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