Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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