1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
