some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
