It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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