UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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