i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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