I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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