im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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