He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
