I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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