upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize