I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
