you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize