I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
