i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
