oh god the rape fog is back!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
