I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
