smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
