i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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