mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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