Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
