as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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