I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
