If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
