i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
