He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
