I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
