it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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