i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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