Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
