I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
