I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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