worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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