the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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