and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
