i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
