what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
how drunk are you?
Several
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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