He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize