SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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