Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
