I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
