DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
