ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Houston, we have a squirter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
