So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
