are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
