my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
