I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
