if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
