They should really pass out barf bags in church
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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