I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
