He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize