i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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