need another drink. this is the easiest way
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
