just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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