She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
