There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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