i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize