paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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