His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
