I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
At least life still wants to fuck me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
