They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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