wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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